Video instructions and help with filling out and completing Form 2220 Select

Instructions and Help about Form 2220 Select

I want everybody to close their eyes I want you to imagine being in love maybe you have been in love maybe you hope to be in love what was that like your heart starts racing your stomach gets all weird you call up your best friend and say oh my gosh I think I just met the love of my life writes in three weeks right we figure that out so quick we make these very quick decisions all of our emotion comes rushing so quickly but then what happens down the road we realize what were we thinking right 50% of marriages fail why two of my very good friends called me within a week of each other and told me that their marriage of over 10 years had failed now even though everyone else around them knew that they weren't really making a good decision at the time they're you know my my best friend her mother and I knew over 10 years ago that the guy that she picked was kind of controlling he was dismissive towards women and he really wanted a woman that would stay home cook clean and have their child and my friend was not at all interested in that she was singing jazz in New York City she was very happy to have that life but that's not what he was interested in but somewhere along the way she fell in love with him and so she sacrificed for the family she sacrificed for what she thought was the right decision and ten years down the road she realized she didn't recognize herself and then she decided to leave a woman asked me the other day she was complaining at 40 saying that there was no good men left and she said that the only men that are out there are the Peter Pan guys right the men who as she described don't want to grow up that they don't want to have kids they don't want to get married they don't want to settle down and she spent all her time and energy trying to unpaid her pan them and she asked me what do I think and why does this come about and why can't she find anybody and why can't she fix this situation right and so I say to her how honest do you want me to be and she said oh yes very honest I'm really serious I want to fix this problem how do I do this right and I said well I think you're investing all your energy in people that are really happy they're totally fine why should they get married have kids and settle down they don't want to you do so the issue is your focus the issue is your perspective how are we selecting partners right and why are we trying to force them to change or why are we ignoring who they are the red flags that are right in front of our face right I have women all the time complaining in the 30s and 40s and 50s that they can't find the man of their dreams or woman of their dreams I have men complaining that they feel that they're being overlooked right because they're the good guy there's a nice guy there the friend and what they find is that you know people are dating the unavailable person the player the pathological liar the person who's already married right so we make all these decisions in our relationships and we end up two three years down the road ten years down the road in despair we struggle to try to find the relationship that we want whether that leads to marriage or just a long-term commitment why do we repeat the cycle over and over and over again and the woman that asked me earlier that I talked about that asked my advice about why this happens and she says oh no I don't date the Peter Pan guys I just see them out there well except the last two relationships I I did date the Peter Pan guy oh okay so you do date them so why do you choose them she she couldn't really explain it and then she just kept back coming back and saying no no don't really date them okay except the last two so she became really defensive in this conversation and was denying the truth that everyone else around her could see the people that loved her the most her friends her family and so I asked myself on the path of love what happens what do we do it starts off beautiful wonderful perfect you're totally in love with this person in a very short period of time right and then we see a red flag but we ignore it because we say no no it must be us we're crazy we're too picky but the problem is our friends and family see it too and they're concerned they may or may not say anything and then what's our response we attack them well you're you will never be happy if I'm happy I finally found someone I love and you can't accept it well you just don't know him he's different when we're alone right we tell ourselves this all the time then there's a culmination of red flags and we tell ourselves well all relationships take work right which is true but we we tell ourselves this in a misguided way right so our friends and family express their concern and what do we do we attack them were defensive and then we begin to isolate from them they try to intervene and they say look I'm really concerned about this person that you're dating and and I want you to think about that I want you to try and pick someone else right or just end it and we may even admit to ourselves